The bike ride was more than just physical exertion—it was an initiation, a confrontation with the self that stripped away comfort and left only willpower and breath. In the cold, fog-laden rain, I pushed beyond what I thought were my limits, meeting a version of myself that does not waver, that does not succumb. The experience clarified, sharpened and distilled my determination in life. It was truly transformative!
For four or five years now I have wrestled with a sense of disconnection from my work, my creative flow, my purpose. The struggle has not been about talent or effort but about presence, about sustaining momentum in a world that constantly tempts distraction, that erodes focus with the slow drip of routine and obligation. But on that ride, I felt something shift. There was a hyper-meditative state I reached through breath control, a synchronization between body, mind, and the relentless rhythm of motion. Even as my feet became drenched, frozen to the point of pain, I refused to stop. There was no external force compelling me forward—only the internal certainty that stopping was a choice, and so was continuing.
I made only three brief pauses to renew and to honor the beauty in front of me. I have been training indoors for weeks, preparing for something larger than myself—not just for endurance on a bike, but for the endurance required to bring a new human into the world, to be the kind of father who does not retreat from difficulty, who does not break when tested.
And yet, despite the urban landscape—bridges, tunnels, cars rushing past—I felt connected to something ancient, something vast. The rain was not an adversary but an embrace, the mist not an obstacle but a veil that deepened my immersion. The massive bodies of water woven into the city’s machinery, felt like reminders that even amidst chaos, the earth is present, patient, waiting for us to return to it which was within us.
It was a baptism of sorts, a reminder that transformation is not given; it is earned, through struggle, through surrender, through choosing—again and again—to keep going.